I'm very open about my childhood, my mother's heroin addiction, the abuse, and the fear. It has impacted my life in many ways; even today I continue to struggle in certain ways. I'm personally familiar with trauma, and I have witnessed its devastation on nearly every family that I have ever worked with. My childhood trauma has propelled me into social work and gave me an intense curiosity to understand family and the environments that impact family well-being. Even at a the young age of 8, when my grandparents adopted me and my baby brother, I began making plans on how I would prevent any other human being from experiencing what I had experienced.
My first thoughts at that time were about functional families. It was something I never really had and I wanted it very badly for my future family. The intellectual path that spurred me forward is accredited to my childhood trauma. Other kids my age, who were living in less chaotic environments, were thinking about playing, fishing with Dad, and baking cookies with Mom. I was surviving the first 8 years of my life; I wasn't thinking about playing with friends after school, I was afraid my little brother and mom would be dead. Coming home from school and seeing your mother laid out on the couch with a needle in her arm, changes your priorities and worldview.
I grew up in Waco, Texas, so there were no shortages of Baptist churches. I didn't grow up in the Church, but around the Church. I was always invited by friends to attend youth events, and my grandparents, while not practicing Christians, and my grandfather being an atheist (at the time), they encouraged me to go to church services and youth camps. I remember a preacher saying to the kids that one day they will be parents and they should pray now that God keep them pure and protected. I prayed to God and asked that my kids not grow up and have those same experiences that I did as a child. I also heard another sermon about family and the adoption of sons and daughters by God. I got excited, because I was adopted and could relate with the message. Another recurring them growing up was the idea of oneness in the family of God.
Although, I had some insightful perceptions about family, I felt distant and pushed away from the local churches. I was a dysfunctional kid who needed boundaries, love, support, and encouragement. However, it wasn't just me, it was many of my friends who I had shared childhood experiences with; kids who also came from abusive and dysfunctional families. The local church didn't know how to handle kids coming to their services high, listening to metal in the parking lot, and wearing vulgar clothing (Cannible Corpse if you really need to know how vulgar). We were eventually pushed out because we made the congregation uncomfortable.
I knew in my bones that functional family was the truth.
