Trauma: Carrying Burdens We Weren't Meant to Carry

I'm very open about my childhood, my mother's heroin addiction, the abuse, and the fear. It has impacted my life in many ways; even today I continue to struggle in certain ways. I'm personally familiar with trauma, and I have witnessed its devastation on nearly every family that I have ever worked with. My childhood trauma has propelled me into social work and gave me an intense curiosity to understand family and the environments that impact family well-being. Even at a the young age of 8, when my grandparents adopted me and my baby brother, I began making plans on how I would prevent any other human being from experiencing what I had experienced.

My first thoughts at that time were about functional families. It was something I never really had and I wanted it very badly for my future family. The intellectual path that spurred me forward is accredited to my childhood trauma. Other kids my age, who were living in less chaotic environments, were thinking about playing, fishing with Dad, and baking cookies with Mom. I was surviving the first 8 years of my life; I wasn't thinking about playing with friends after school, I was afraid my little brother and mom would be dead. Coming home from school and seeing your mother laid out on the couch with a needle in her arm, changes your priorities and worldview.

I grew up in Waco, Texas, so there were no shortages of Baptist churches. I didn't grow up in the Church, but around the Church. I was always invited by friends to attend youth events, and my grandparents, while not practicing Christians, and my grandfather being an atheist (at the time), they encouraged me to go to church services and youth camps. I remember a preacher saying to the kids that one day they will be parents and they should pray now that God keep them pure and protected. I prayed to God and asked that my kids not grow up and have those same experiences that I did as a child. I also heard another sermon about family and the adoption of sons and daughters by God. I got excited, because I was adopted and could relate with the message. Another recurring them growing up was the idea of oneness in the family of God.

Although, I had some insightful perceptions about family, I felt distant and pushed away from the local churches. I was a dysfunctional kid who needed boundaries, love, support, and encouragement. However, it wasn't just me, it was many of my friends who I had shared childhood experiences with; kids who also came from abusive and dysfunctional families. The local church didn't know how to handle kids coming to their services high, listening to metal in the parking lot, and wearing vulgar clothing (Cannible Corpse if you really need to know how vulgar). We were eventually pushed out because we made the congregation uncomfortable.

I knew in my bones that functional family was the truth.

What Does it Mean to be an Evangelical Christian in the Pluralistic Society?

With the phenomenon of globalization, there have risen some challenges in evangelicalism in the Western world. Pluralism is growing and there are some challenges we must address if we are going to live in peace. God is absolute sovereign and nothing passes his hand without his knowing and approval. God has placed the world in our neighborhood. There are Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Pakistanis, Vietnamese, Australian, and every other group of people you could think of. This has challenged our dominance as a white, male, evangelical Christian majority. I’m not saying that this dominance is a good thing. I’m saying that there are those who hold majority status and have advantages based on their ethnicity, gender, and culture. Today, the hard question that needs to be answered is: “What does it mean to be an evangelical in the pluralistic and globalized world we live in?”

Last week I attended the Alliance of Virtue for the Common Good conference in Washington, DC. It was a gathering of evangelical pastors, rabbis, and imams from all over the world to make a declaration for religious freedom, unified under the common goal for peace. The thing that made this event special was that it included evangelical pastors, a group identified as the most negative towards Muslims. If you don’t understand the significance of their attendance, please give me a moment to explain. Many evangelical Christians view attending any inter-religious conference or gathering a compromise to their faith and convictions. Many evangelicals are particularly critical of interfaith events. Interfaith events are known for blending and intermeshing faiths so that everyone gets along. I engage in multi-faith, not interfaith. Multi-faith is where religions with strong convictions maintain their theological integrity, yet come to the table with compassion and respect for the other faith.

The problem with interfaith and evangelicals is that we have very strong boundaries concerning our convictions. We believe that Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, the life, and that no one gets to heaven but by believing that Jesus is Lord, God in the flesh (John 1:1-18 and John 14:6). We also believe that we have a duty, a mandate, a commission to make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit, teaching them to observe all that Jesus commanded (Matthew 28:19-20). We do not believe that all roads lead to heaven. We believe that unless a person believes in their heart and confesses with their mouth that Jesus is Lord, they spend an eternity in hell, eternally distant from God. The million dollar question is, “how can we maintain our theological convictions and engage with people of other faiths?”

Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God with all of our heart and with all our soul and with all of our mind (Matthew 22: 37). So, why would evangelicals go to any event with other religions? Because, Jesus also said that the second greatest commandment is equally important, and that is to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39). There are also commands to love and care for the outcasts, the marginalized, the poor, and our enemies. Jesus didn’t leave any room for not loving others. Paul said that as much as it depends on us, to live in peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). Considering the the context of Romans 12, Paul writes about what it truly means to be Christian. We are to offer ourselves as living sacrifices, hate what is evil, cling to what is good, bless those who persecute us, weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice. He's not just talking about Christians relating with Christians. He's talking about how Christians should live in the pluralistic society. Paul was immersed in the pluralistic society. He was surrounded by polytheists, agnostics, and people who believed all sorts of things. Being a white evangelical Christian man, I would say that a lot depends on me to make peace. When you hold majority status, you have a duty and responsibility to look after the minority and marginalized. In the United States, particularly in the south, Muslims are the marginalized and outcasts. We have a mandate from God to care for them and to love them. Peacemaking is at the core of every believer’s identity (Matthew 5:9).

Evangelicals feel uncomfortable with this. When I talk to my Christian friends about my Muslim friends, my evangelical friends always ask “what’s the end game”. My end game is to love my neighbor as myself, and as much as it depends on me, to live in peace with everyone. If I claim the rights as an heir to the kingdom, an adopted son, a child of God, then it’s in my core identity to be a peacemaker. Do I shrink from sharing my faith with my Muslim friends? Certainly not! They are all the more reason to share my faith. How can an evangelical Christian be about the mission of God and not love Muslims, even when they do not accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior? Evangelism is at the core of evangelical Christianity. Some ask, “what do you do if a person doesn’t accept Jesus”. My answer is that you do what Jesus did. Jesus never stopped sharing about his father and the kingdom. I will continue to share Jesus with others and disciple whoever will listen. Wherever Jesus went, he was loving others and sharing with them the news of the kingdom. Jesus loved the marginalized, included those who were outcasts, and shared life with them. Even if they never received him as Lord, Jesus remained in the company of many who did not believe. People whose hearts became hardened had excused themselves from Jesus’ presence, but he continued to disciple those who remained and had not been converted. I’m making disciples when I share Jesus’s message with Muslims, even if they have never received Jesus. A disciple doesn’t have to be converted. Discipleship and conversion are two interrelated, yet separate things.

I would like to make a few points about evangelism, discipleship, and conversion.

In his book, “Understanding Christian Mission: Participation in the Suffering and Glory”, Dr. Scott Sunquist says that “Evangelism is an intimate form of communication that seeks a response” (325). The first point in his statement is evangelism is intimate. Intimacy requires relationship which builds trust and authenticity. Second point is that evangelism communicates a message (gospel message). Third, through intimacy, we are communicating a message that reaches the heart where it evokes a response. Either there is a hardening of the heart (Hebrews 3:7-11), or there is belief (Romans 10:8-12). I believe this happens as God wills it to happen. The third point is conversion (the response). Sunquist says that conversion is a one-time event AND something that happens again and again. I understand it as the one-time event being the moment when we are saved, and the event that happens again and again as spiritual transformation; being transformed into the likeness of Jesus, which is a progression from “glory to glory” (2^nd Corinthians 3:18).

I’m going to take an excerpt from this scripture and highlight my understanding as it relates to my point.

“But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed (one-time). Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another (again and again). For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2^nd Corinthians 3:16-18).

Now, Sunquist makes two points that struck me: one, being that we are called to make disciples, not convert; which both words are two separate, yet interrelated things. I believe that conversion is something that God alone can do. We can disciple and share the gospel, but it is God who saves or causes one to believe. I conclude from scripture that only God can convert.

The second point is that evangelism in a pluralistic context requires “radical acceptance of the marginalized” (328). Discipleship and conversion are two different concepts that are interrelated. This radical acceptance may require great patience on our part as a disciple learns about Jesus. In the Bible, not everyone who were disciples were converted. The strongest argument for this is the disciple Judas. Jesus knew his depraved heart, yet kept him in his inner circle and continued to disciple and teach him about the kingdom. Also, many disciples followed Jesus, but later left because his message was too hard for them to accept.

When many of his disciples heard it, they said, “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?” But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples were grumbling about this, said to them, “Do you take offense at this? Then what if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. But there are some of you who do not believe.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning who those were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray him.) And he said, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.” After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” Jesus answered them, “Did I not choose you, the twelve? And yet one of you is a devil.” He spoke of Judas the son of Simon Iscariot, for he, one of the twelve, was going to betray him (John 6:60-71).

Evangelism in the pluralistic society means that I can disciple Muslims who may not have been converted. I don’t know if they will be transformed into the likeness of Jesus, but it is my hope and prayer that they will be. This requires “radical acceptance of the marginalized” (328). When we talk about the marginalized, we mostly think of the poor, or oppressed. The marginalized are simply those who are outside looking in. These are people who don’t belong or are not accepted by the dominant culture. In the United States, particularly in the south, Muslims are greatly marginalized. I do not love Muslims to convert them. I love Muslims because I’ve been converted. I share Jesus with them because I love God with everything in me and I love them as I love myself. Even if my Muslim friends never accept Jesus, I will continue to love them and be their friend. I will continue to support their right to believe and practice their faith. Can you be an evangelical and remain in the company of those who do believe differently? Yes, I believe to truly be evangelical is to love your neighbor as yourself and to love God with everything in you.

Honest Parenting

Honest Parenting

I spent an amazing ten days in Vietnam sharing and telling stories of parenting. I was very excited to share my Family Legacy training and how the culture of the family is transmitted from generation to generation. I shared how parents can create and affirm the family’s values. I taught on Love and Reconciliation, where parents reconcile their children by affirming their family values. I always enjoy my time in Vietnam and consider Vietnam my second home.

I had missed my family during my time in Vietnam. I was very excited to finally be home! I have to be honest. I thought that I was going to receive a very warm and happy welcome back. As soon as I got home, my children were unruly and my wife Jodi was very anxious and on edge. Jodi was very overwhelmed and said that she was struggling with getting the boys to respect each other and to follow simple instructions.

It should be said that both parents add great value to parenting. Parenting should always be cooperative. In my absence, Jodi experienced some emotional stress, as well as our boys. Presence in a child’s life is very important. Simply being present can bring stability and peace. It's not often when I'm away from home. I spend a lot of time with my family and we make the most of our time with each other. We eat at least 3 evening meals together each week. Since I work less hours, it's become 5 regular meals a week. Eating a a family together is so important! Put down the cell phones and e-tablets. Spend time talking to one another. Presence is also about engagement.

Even after obtaining my master’s degree in social work, and even after working with families for over 15 years. I still don’t have it all figured out and I have my own personal struggles with parenting. Please, hear me clearly. It will be fine. Your children don’t need an expert, they need you. They need you to be there, to love them, to give them boundaries. They also need to see you make mistakes and reconcile those mistakes. Your children need to see you as a loving and caring human being.

If your children can feel your love, they can handle your mistakes. If you acted out of anger and took it out on your child, tell them you are sorry. Let them know it’s okay to make mistakes, but it’s not okay to ignore them. This is honest parenting. Honestly, we are all going to lose our tempter, overreact, and do something we will regret. That’s what it means to be human. Humans make mistakes. Grace and forgiveness are amazing tools to rectify our shortcomings. It reconciles us to that place of peace, those moments before chaos ensued.

·      What are some parenting issues you struggle with?

·      Have you ever lost your temper and done something you regretted?

o   Did you try to reconcile the mistake you made?

o   How did it work out for you?

Share your thoughts about trying to parent honestly to yourself and to your family.

A Letter to My Dad

Papa, your passing stings and hurts to the very core of my soul. Yes, I have my faith and I know that you are present with Jesus and restored to the way that God had intended before sin entered this world. Regardless, I am hurt deeply and feel this great eternal distance between us. This is the same feeling I felt when Nanny passed away. Yes, I have learned to live, laugh, and enjoy the life that God has given me, but your death is a reminder that the grave robs us of so much!

I'm comforted in knowing that God saved us and called us to be in his eternal family, though eternal adoption as children of God and that nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus; NOT EVEN DEATH (Romans 8:38-39)! I am grateful that you and Nanny adopted me and Eric! We are your sons! Because of this, I feel a more intimate warmth and understanding of the scriptures that describe our salvation as an adoption into the family of God.

Often times I didn't act like a son. I acted like an orphan, always testing how far I could push the boundaries of your love to see if I really belonged as a son in your house. I cursed you, said hateful things, robbed you of sleep and peace. As much as I made myself unlovable, you pressed in beyond ordinary love. You showed me that I am valued as a son and that nothing I could ever do would revoke my sonship or your love. When I struggled with my identity, my past, my trauma, you were patient and kind. You weren't perfect, but yours and Nanny's love for us was the closest thing to heavenly love I had ever experienced. Your love prepared me to receive Jesus.

I remembered when you and Nanny got baptized and committed yourselves to Jesus. My heart was hardened and I didn't attend your baptism, which I very much regret. Nanny tried to share the gospel with me, the truth of God's love and I rejected it like a devil. I was hateful to her all the way until her death. Still, she said that one day I would do great things for Jesus. I didn't believe her, but thankfully, it wasn't up to me to make it come true. A year after she passed, her words echoed strong in my soul. God was calling me and he used her death as an opportunity to shake me to my very core.

I'm grateful that you lived to see Jesus transform my life and call me into ministry. I remember when I first came to you and told you that I believed in Jesus and we prayed together. It is a moment that I will never forget. Never before had I prayed with you or had conversations about God with you. Although, growing up we lived as if God was absent in our lives, he was always present with us. He was preparing us.

I thank God that you were able to know Jodi, Joseph, and Isaiah. I have taken this love that God has given us and changed our family tree! My sons will never live the life I lived! My sons will pass this love onto their children! My sons know what it's like to have a father! My sons drink from living waters! They will worship Jesus forever, even through the stormy weather, or in the calm of the palm of his hand, from boys to men, on God's word they will stand.

I am grateful to God that you got to see me to go college and get my master's in social work and see me pursue seminary. I'm thankful to God that you got to see how God used my past trauma to help struggling families. I'm thankful to God that I was able to share all the stories of the abused children that God saved and families that he restored through my work in Christ Jesus. I thank God that I was able to tell you about the families I work with in Vietnam and all the places around the world that God has taken me! I'm thankful to God that you got to see the best years of my life! I can't make up for the hurt and pain that I caused, but I don't have to, because JESUS HAS RECONCILED IT ALL THROUGH THE CROSS!

Our story is God's story. You have left a legacy of faith that will carry on to many generations of Pafford's! When I think about eternity with Jesus, I really don't have a long time until we are together again. With that in mind, I will see you soon.

Your son,

Kurt

Disparities Among Black Americans in Prison and Black Americans Killed by Police

According to the Federal Bureau of Prisons, whites make up 109, 003 (58.5%) of the prison population while blacks make up 70, 591 (37.9%) (Federal Bureau of Prisons, 2017). When looking at these numbers, our initial thought may be that whites represent a much larger number than blacks in prison. I have heard this argument before. “See there are more whites in prison than blacks. How is that unjust to blacks?"

I  affectionately refer to my wife as a data “nerd”. It is her hobby, her passion, her joy. She always says, “Data doesn’t lie, but it doesn’t tell the whole story”. What’s not being taken into consideration is disproportionality, which is the over representation of a population of people, usually in regards to societal issues such as: poverty, imprisonment, welfare, etc.

Whites do represent a larger number without considering disproportionality, however, without considering disproportionality, these numbers do not give an accurate account. According to the United States Census Bureau, whites represent 76.9% of the U.S. population and 58.5% of the prison population. Blacks only make up 13.3% of the U.S. population but represent 37.9% of the prison population (US Census Bureau, 2016).

Taking into account the U.S. population, blacks are represented 374% more in prison compared to whites. 1 in every 608 blacks are in prison. 1 in every 2,280 whites are in prison!

Below is a formula that you can use to figure out disproportionality and disparity (Berkley, 2017).

You could also divide the entire black population by the entire black prison population to see that for every 608 black people, there is 1 in prison. Whites would give you 1 in every 2,280! Divide 2,280 by 608 to figure the disparity. You will find that blacks over represent whites by 3.74 (374%)!!!

If you are upset about the kneeling during the anthem and your blood doesn’t boil over this, you need a heart check!

U.S. Population (323,127, 513)

Whites- 248,485, 057 (76.9%)

Blacks-    42, 975,959 (13.3%)

Prison Population (186,435)

White- 109, 003 (58.5%)

Black-    70, 591 (37.9%)

Let’s look at other societal issues such as police shootings. According to the Washington Post database, 963 people were killed by police in 2016. Of those killed by police, whites represent 466 (48%) and blacks represent 233 (24%). Again, let’s do the math.

U.S. Population (323,127, 513)

Whites- 248,485, 057 (76.9%)

Blacks- 42, 975,959 (13.3%)

Deaths by Police (963)

Whites- 466 (48%)

Blacks- 233 (24%)

Total disparity: 2.98 (298%)

1 in every 184,446 black person was killed by a police officer in 2016. 1 in every 533,230 white person was killed by a police officer in 2016.

Blacks represent nearly 3 times the amount of killings at the hand of police officers than whites.

My purpose is not to hate the white community in America or ignore other ethnic groups. My purpose is to bring clarity and data that shows blacks are more likely to go to prison and be shot by police than whites.

We will never reconcile racism if we won't call out the injustices that the black community faces. There is reason for the black community to be angry and afraid. Whites are the majority, and by this I mean, we have the power, authority, and privilege. As a majority, whites are responsible for ensuring justice for the minority.

We can take nearly ever societal problem in America and figure the disproportion of any given race represented. The point of this blog was to give you actual data to consider. We are so wrapped in our emotions that we don’t think. This was an exercise to help you think about the fear and concern in America’s black communities. They have valid reasons to be concerned. They have valid reasons to make their voice heard. We Christians need to take this information and pray to God. Ask him why are our hearts so hardened. We need to ask him to change us. You don’t see and you don’t understand, because you don’t ask. Ask him now.

*It should be noted that these percentages were rounded. It should also be noted that the the population data was from 2016 and the prison data is from 2017. This is not a concern for numbers. I would like to see what numbers were before President Obama released a unprecedented amount inmates, charged with non-violent crimes, from prison. Also, it should be noted that the disparity amongst Native Americans is much more disheartning. I did not intentionally ignore their plight. I'm simply taking current issues that whites and blacks face, which I believe results to much hatred and bigotry in this great nation.

References:

Federal Bureau of Prisons. Inmate Statistics, 2017.

https://www.bop.gov/about/statistics/statistics_inmate_race.jsp

University of California Berkeley. Methodology for Disproportionality and Disparity

Indices, 2017.

http://cssr.berkeley.edu/CWSCMSreports/dynamics/disprop/Disproportionality_Disparity_Methods.htm

U.S. Census Bureau. 2016 Census Bureau, 2016.

https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fact/table/US/PST045216#qf-headnote-a

Washington Post. Fatal Force, 2016.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/national/police-shootings-2016/

Don't Stand, Don't Kneel, Don't Protest, Don't Breathe: The White Community Responds to NFL Protests

Why does the overwhelming white majority feel they can tell the black community what kneeling during the National Anthem REALLY means? "That's disrespectful. That's like giving our soldiers the middle finger". Black people are speaking clearly and loudly and we need to listen. The American flag, that symbol of freedom which protects life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness does not represent the black communities of America.

Why does the white community get to tell the black community what is an appropriate response to injustice? “Your protest are offensive to police. You shouldn’t gather like this. You shouldn’t kneel during the National Anthem, you hate this country and you hate our soldiers”.  Black people can’t assemble and protect, black people can’t protest the flag of the United States, the very symbol of freedom that the majority of black communities have yet to benefit from. Black people can’t stand, black people can’t kneel, black people can’t talk. Then violence breaks out! People then say ,”My Lord! How did it come to this?”

I was driving to my doctor’s appointment this morning thinking about the vehement response from the offended white community. We talk about how this protest is disrespecting the flag and our nation, yet I didn’t see a single American flag in the neighborhoods I drove through. NOT A SINGLE FLAG!!! The only time I have stood for the National Anthem was at sporting events, which may have been a total of 8 times in the last 10 years. I don’t do it at home and I have rarely seen it done in other people’s homes. Why have I not been called out on dishonoring our sodiers? Because, not standing, not owning a flag, not singing the anthem doesn't mean I hate American and I hate our soldiers.

Why is the white community offended? Because a black man, (Colin Kaepernick) started a movement. He took a stand that echoes in the hearts of the majority of blacks in this country. It has challenged the status quo. It has challenged the belief “that I’m not a racist” may not be true. It has pierced our hearts! Instead of falling to our knees and asking God for forgiveness, we have stood proud and arrogantly in the face of the oppressed black community and said, “YOUR OPPRESSION IS NOT REAL! YOUR FEELINGS ARE INVALID! YOU MUST NOT DO THIS! YOU ARE BEHAVING IN AN EVIL WAY!

We need to take a serious introspective look into our utterly depraved and deceitful hearts. We need to listen to the black community and stop telling them what they can and can’t do. We need to stop justifying our false belief that what the black community is saying is not really happening. We need to listen and trust that what we are being told by the black community is the truth and we MUST seek justice and stand beside them.

When I was in Houston, helping with the flood relief efforts, I saw white, black, Hispanic, Asian, and all sorts of Americans helping out their fellow man. Why does it take a natural disaster for us to come together? When the flood happened I read posts that said, “See racism isn’t real. We are working together”. No, we were distracted and now that we have settled back into comfort, we pick up our political propaganda and march to the drum of bigotry.

I love this response, "My ancestors are Irish, Jewish, Italian (other historically oppressed groups) and they experienced slavery, hardship, bigotry, etc. Yes, that is true about many generations of Americans. Yet these groups have recovered and Black Americans have not. Why? 

Stop it. It's a straw man.

White community, stop telling black people how they should feel. Stop telling black people how to express their feelings of injustice. Stop changing the narrative to fit what you want things to mean. JUST STOP!

When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, he responded, “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).

We are all up in our emotions, yet we do not perceive or understand things. God wants us to love and follow him with our hearts, yes. But, he also wants us to love him with our intellect. There is a warning in the Bible and we need to take heed. “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen (1 John 4:20).

And the response from the white community is, “We love our black brothers and sisters”. But we do not want them speaking into our lives, we do not believe their anguish. "It’s all a farce, an ill perceived fallacy." You fear your brother and you hate what you do not understand.

God save us.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day: A Call for the Majority To Care for the Minority

I was listening to the podcast, “This American Life”. The episode was #605, “Kid Logic 2016”. The podcast was discussing how children use logic to arrive at conclusions. One story during the podcast struck me. There was a story of a man whose daughter was four years old and asked, for the first time, what Christmas meant. He said they went out and bought a bible and his child wanted to know everything about Jesus. They taught her about his birth and his teachings. He said that his daughter was particularly interested in Jesus’ teaching of “doing unto others”. The father explained to her the meaning of the teaching. He said that one day they were driving past a big church and out front was an enormous cross. His four year old daughter asked who was on the cross. The father had neglected to teach his daughter about the crucifixion of Jesus, but he told her it was Jesus and explained his death. He said that his message was so radical and unnerving that they killed him.

A month later after Christmas, on Martin Luther King Day, he took his daughter to lunch and on the table was  the art section of the newspaper. His child observed a drawing of Martin Luther King Jr. She asked, “Whose that?”. Her father said that this was a drawing of Martin Luther King Jr. and this holiday was a celebration of his life. She said, “So who was he”. The father said, “He was a preacher.” His daughter was excited and asked, “For Jesus?”. He said, “Yes, yes actually he was, but there was another thing that he was famous for. He had a message.” The man in the interview explained that I’m trying to explain this to a four year old and he was very careful about how he phrases things to her, because this was her first time hearing this information. The man said to his daughter, “He was a preacher and he had a message” She said, “What was his message?”. The father explained, “He (MLK) said that you should treat everybody the same, no matter what they look like.” He said she thought about that for a minute, then said, “Well, that’s what Jesus said”. The father said, “Yeah, I guess it is. I never thought about that way. It’s sort of like do unto others as you would have them do unto you." He said that she thought for a minute longer and then looked up at her father and asked, “Did they kill him too?”

I bring this up because Martin Luther King Day is next week. As parents, we all want what is best for our children. I believe the best thing we can do for our children is educate them and explain things truthfully and honestly, according to their stage of development. A lot of parents feel uncomfortable talking to their children about sex, so they shield them from questions and redirect children away from these uncomfortable things. This leaves room for others to teach them about sex, particularly from children who have been exposed to sex in very unhealthy and destructive ways. 

I bring this up because, there is something else we as parents don’t like to talk about: Race. We want to shield our children from the ugliness of racism and protect their little hearts, but this doesn’t grow them to understand the truth about the world we live in. A majority of white parents don’t discuss the ugly history of American slavery and racism. We segregate ourselves from communities of color (white flight) and attend church services of congregations made up predominately of white people.

There is, however, a shift in the American Church. This shift is happening in many different congregations across the United States. Churches, particularly small congregations, are becoming multi-ethnic/racial. This is happening primarily due to a few things: The understanding of the cultural mosaic of the Kingdom of God (Rev. 7:9), the acknowledgment of systemic racism in American culture, the understanding of disproportionality of people of color that are overwhelmingly impoverished and imprisoned; and a desire within the church to see justice.

We can no longer wait for our children to begin asking hard questions. We carry on the message of Christ, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). But, we also cannot neglect the first part of this commandment, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” I made “mind” bold, because I believe we often forget that God doesn’t just want our emotions, he wants our intellect. If we are to address the issues of racism and segregation in the Church, we must use our intellect.

Many people in the public square are going back and forth about racism in America. Many white people are playing it down as if it’s not really a big deal. "White" people represent the majority in our society. We are the ones with the power, the political clout, the abundant resources, the better chance at a good life in this county. I’m not ignoring white poverty. I grew up in poverty and in the drug culture. I know what a hood is. The difference between me and many of my black friends that I grew up with is, I was able to recovery from poverty. The numbers are overwhelmingly disheartening. The majority of minorities live in poverty, are imprisoned, have their children removed by the state, end up being shot by the police, end up dying at a young age, etc. Some people show statistics that show more white people are actually shot by the police. They neglect to understand disproportionality and how it shows that by population, a larger number of minorities are in these situations.

There are only two conclusion that a Christian can come to when looking at the overwhelming numbers of minorities: Either all minorities are more depraved than the rest of society, or there is an unseen systemic disease that no one is dealing with, called racism. If all men are created in the image of God, then we all have equal opportunity for depravity. We are all equally in need of Jesus. We are passing on this disease of systemic racism to our children. It must stop! The change begins in the Church! We must reach our to our communities, be purposeful about being a muli-ethnic/racial church, and STOP SAYING THERE ISN’T A PROBLEM, BECAUSE THERE IS!!!

This is worth fighting for. If we aren’t segregated in heaven, then why are we segregated now? We have to fight for this. It will get ugly, before it gets better. They killed Jesus for His message. They also killed Martin Luther King Jr. for His message also. They just might kill you. If I must die for the sake of the gospel, then I accept God’s will with joy. But, I will carry this message with me wherever I go. We must love our neighbor as ourselves. The majority of all societies have a responsibility to look after the minority. We white, evangelical Christian men, need to step forward and get on that cross.